A Spidey and a Merc
by Sergenkopup23
Summary: Nick Fury enlists the help of Spiderman to capture and bring in Deadpool on murder charges. Suddenly the two are forced to work together to figure who framed the sexy merc with a mouth and clear his name. Can Spidey stand the mutants attempts at getting under his skin and into his boxers long enough to clear his name? He can try! ;3
1. Peter gets a visit

Chapter 1

Peter Parker, 18, sighed heavily as he hauled himself into the second story of his aunt's house bruised and bloody from a fight with Rhino. He peeled off his sticky suit holding back a scream as it ripped part of his skin off and stuck to the fabric. He cursed under his breath as he stumbled over to his bathroom and turned on the shower as he stripped even more. He stepped under the hot water as it cascaded down his body rinsing the blood off as it mixed with the water making a reddish-pinkish hue. He then dragged himself over to his desktop to stitch some of his wounds up trying to come up with a convincing lie to tell Aunt May.

He groaned as he lowered himself into bed to try to slip into sleep but his alarm had other ideas as it blared loudly indicating that it was six o' clock in the morning. He growled slamming it and got up dressing as he prepared to face the wrath of his forty year old aunt. He stopped as he heard he laughing in the kitchen and entered the kitchen to find a man wearing a dark leather jacket and an eye patch.

"Ah Peter you're finally awake. I want you to meet Mr. Fury of the Strategic Homeland of International Espionage and Defense," his aunt said smiling at the quite handsome African American man to her left.

"Hello Peter, I am Agent Nick Fury of s.h.i.e.l.d. and I would like you to join our academy of gifted teens," he smiled brightly however Peter could tell he hated being so nice.

"Uh no offense Agent Fury but why are you here? I mean yeah I graduated high school when I was 16 but I don't think I'm gifted or anything," the brunette shifted nervously. He had heard of Fury's reputation from some people who worked with him. Tony Stark treated him like an annoying parent, Steve Rogers respected him and others feared him so what did he want with him.

"May I speak with you privately," he asked indicating Peter's bedroom door at the top of the stairs. The lanky teen nodded showing him up to his room as he sat on his bed. Peter looked the tall man up and down blushing slightly as his mind wandered to lewd thoughts. "I know your secret Peter just as you know of who I am correct?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I know who you are and what s.h.i.e.l.d. does to help people but why do you want me? I'm just Peter Parker," he looked up with his hazel eyes staring at Fury who paced around the room.

"We believe you are familiar with a certain merc with a mouth? One Wade W. Wilson a.k.a. Deadpool," Fury asked raising his eyebrows at the teen on the queen sized mattress. Peter sighed nodding as he the image of a man dressed in crimson that broke something he called the fourth wall popped into his head. Yeah he was familiar with the vulgar, lewd and downright annoying thirty year old. "Good, we wish for you to locate him, subdue him and bring him in for questioning regarding the death of a s.h.i.e.l.d. agent."

"Wait, Wade killed a member of s.h.i.e.l.d. but that doesn't sound like him? I mean yeah he's rude, brash, annoying, sexy and ludicrous but he'd never cross you. He's terrified of you sir. He's told me on multiple occasions that we were forced to team up," Peter said standing up as he slightly blushed at Fury's questioning the teen's outburst.

"Yes Peter I know all of this however the evidence points to him so will you help us or not? Keep in mind that if I find him and he resists I will take that to mean he is guilty however I have a feeling you can convince him to come in. So what's it going to be Parker," Fury's gaze leveled to Peter's horrified eyes seeking an answer.

"Alright, I'll bring him in just please listen to his side of the story," Peter begged Fury who in turn nodded agreeing to Peter's plea. "Good I may have an idea where he is." Peter grabbed his spare suit stuffing it in a duffle bag and adding extra clothes. He apologized to his aunt, kissed her cheek and bolted out the door heading to Louisiana. h a convincing lie to tell Aunt May.


	2. New Orleans Naked Chase, Fun!

Chapter 2

New Orleans, Louisiana

Hello my lovely readers both men and women alike. It's your friendly neighborhood merc with a mouth Deadpool speaking. Now you all probably know this schtick by now with me making references to real life stuff and breaking the fourth wall to speak to all you sexy motherfuckers (come on all you Oedipus people out there. If you don't know who he is ask your theatre or english teachers they'll tell you). Anyways as I was saying before I got side tracked by a shiny unicorn, this chapter shall be from MY point of view as the sexy piece of ass Mr. Peter Parker tries tracking me down.

It was a lovely day in the French Quarter as the birds were singing, the jazz was playing and the drunk whores were passed out on the street. Ah the lovely New Orleans was my kind of city and here no one cares what you look like. As long as you have cash you can have whatever you want speaking of which.

"Yellow?" I chirped as I answered the phone next to my bed. It was a certain spideyboy looking for me trying to get answers that he didn't want to nor need to know.

"Wade I'm in New Orleans and I'm lost. Can we meet somewhere and talk please?" he pleaded in a begging tone that set my loins ablaze. I knew that Nicky-poo had sent poor widdle itsy bitsy spidey to come and get me but honestly I liked the kid, always had.

"Ofcourse my little spidey widey. Where are you right now?" I asked curiously wondering how close he was to the French Quarter. The phone squealed as I dropped it and turned too late to run as Peter webbed me to the wall. "Well Pete if you wanted to get kinky right aay you should atleast take me on a date first."

"Wade I'm here to bring you in to Fury. He said you killed a s.h.i.e.l.d. agent Wade. Please tell me it isn't true," the boy whined out staring at me with those beautiful hazel eyes. I sighed and kept my mouth shut because be honest he DID tell me to not tell him. "Wade did you kill that agent yes or no?"

"Look Pete I can explain everything if you'll look in that drawer by the nightstand," I prompted him as I prepared for my escape. Peter looked in the drawer then looked back as I was long gone having used my super secret ninja skills. I ran down the French Quarter practically naked as I searched for my next hiding spot. I am pretty good at hiding unless its from Fury or well Peter. I couldn't tell Peter that what Nick said was true because it would break the poor kid's heart.

I panted as I waited for anything to signal his whereabouts to let me know when it was safe. After ten minutes I decided to leave my hiding spot but as soon as I did he was standing right there and webbed me again. This time he covered my mouth which was a smart move on his part. To say I have a magic tongue is putting it mildly to say the least. I spent months at this kid's house while I recovered from well life and I learned every trick to make him squirm.

"Wade I don't know why you did it or if you even did but all I know is if I bring you in Fury said he would listen to your side of the story," Peter said as he hauled my ass into a car. I rolled my eyes as if Fury would let me talk. Yeah right, I knew how to make Nick squirm just as much as Peter. Sadly my luck had finally ran out for poor little me that is until a freak storm hit the bayou and forced us to stay put in Louisiana.


End file.
